Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
