be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
