Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
