I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
