So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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