At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize