If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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