He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
