Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We need a shit load of segways right now
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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