erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
