Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Randomize
