I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
