so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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