there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
