Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
