You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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