if only i could text you this smell
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I supernannyed him into submission
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize