sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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