The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize