But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
