yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
