We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
