Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
