Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
