I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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