You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
