In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
