remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
