nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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