lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
