What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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