just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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