so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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