I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
