Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
