please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
