I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
