I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
