im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
