She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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