I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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