Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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