butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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