He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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