Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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