i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
