i just sent this text using only my big toe
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
