thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
