If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
