Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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