the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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