Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
