it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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