haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
