..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
