Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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