were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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