I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
