I am puke
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
