She is in my trunk
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
