I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
