this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
