I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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