I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
