I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
