I'm so fucking centered right now
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
