DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize