I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
