Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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