So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
