Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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