Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
