the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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