im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
