let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
