i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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